


Perseverance

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:03:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4906573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape doesn't think he's capable of love. But Kingsley is stubbornly determined to show him that he can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Livejournal in 2005.

Snape and Remus were lying next to each other in bed, both staring up at the ceiling. The duvet had ridden down their naked bodies, exposing their chests to the cold dungeon air. Both of them were breathing heavily, sweat still dripping from their brows. Neither of them knew quite what to say.

“Wow,” Remus finally managed, between breaths. Severus silently agreed. “I mean, wow.” 

“Indeed.”

“That…that was so much better than I thought it would be. I mean, it was really quite good.”

“I understood you the first time…. And, yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, it was…it really was amazing,” Snape replied, equally as astonished as the werewolf. He turned over on his side so he could admire the other man’s profile. One heated argument over continuing Harry’s Occlumency lessons had turned into one heated ripping off of clothes and then one heated loss of control. They’d been tiptoeing around their apparent attraction for years and now, finally, they had done it. 

Finally. 

“Severus?” Remus asked tentatively, turning so he could look the other man in the face. “Can I…um, ask you, something?”

Snape raised an eyebrow. 

“Did you…do you…is it...”

“Do I still feel something for you now that we’ve fornicated?”

“Fornicated? What are you, my grandmother?”

“I would hope your grandmother had better manners.”

“You should have seen her at charades.”

“…”

“Sorry, I just. The sex was amazing.”

“I believe you have already alluded to that fact.”

“Yes, well…I’m not feeling that spark anymore. It’s like it went out with…” Remus stopped before making what he felt could be an extremely embarrassing analogy to his orgasm. 

“Like all the tension has been released and we don’t have to pretend anymore?” 

“Exactly. You feel it too?”

Snape sighed. While, as Remus kept insisting on saying, the sex had been better than he thought the werewolf capable, that first spark of desire did seem to have died down. He no longer looked at Remus as an enemy to be wary of, but a person, and a person whose feelings were of some concern to him. It was a strange feeling and one he hadn’t felt in a long time; he rather thought it was that of having a friend. 

“I think that you are an adequate companion.” Remus laughed and ran a hand down Snape’s side. 

“Hmm, more than adequate,” Snape breathed, wiggling slightly at Remus’ finger-light touch. Remus smiled, the first genuine smile since Sirius’ death; how strange to think that it was Snivellus who was making him feel this way. “But...” 

“We could be better friends than lovers?” 

“Something like that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he shrugged. “I’m glad we did it, especially if it means we can finally let everything go, but I think it’s okay that we want to be friends.”

Snape looked into Remus’ eyes, being careful not to push his mind in too deep and then reached forward and kissed the other man on the forehead. 

“Does this mean we get to snuggle now?” asked Remus mischievously. 

“Snuggle? What kind of…” Before Snape could go completely apoplectic though, Remus had moved forward and pressed himself along the length of the other man, putting his arms round him and gently pushing Snape down so that he could more easily rest his head on Snape’s lightly haired chest. Snape took a deep breath and then pulled up the covers over Remus' shoulders and lightly brushed his hand up and down Remus’ back before he too fell asleep. 

=====

In the morning Snape awoke to the smell of freshly fried bacon and had a warm mug of coffee thrust into his hand by a naked werewolf. 

“Did you pick breakfast up from the house-elves in that state?” 

“This is my natural state, thank you very much.” Remus picked up the plate of bacon and put it between them on the bed, then got inside the covers, “And no, I borrowed your robe.” He stuck out his tongue at the other man who merely scowled.

After a few minutes where both men were sipping their drinks and nibbling at crispy bacon Remus turned to Snape and then looked away again. 

Snape’s scowl deepened. “What?”

“Well, we never did get to finish our talk from last night.”

“No, as I recall you were rather too busy shoving your tongue in my mouth.”

“Me?” Remus spluttered, “You were the one who grabbed my crotch!”

“I did nothing quite as undignified,” Snape snapped, moving off the bed, making sure to drape a dressing gown around himself first, and over to the wardrobe from which he began to remove some clothes. Remus watched him glumly. 

“I thought we weren’t supposed to fight any more.”

“Then perhaps you would refrain from making inane comments.”

Remus watched as Snape began dressing himself, wrapping himself in familiar layers. “Severus, please…”

Snape fastened the last button on his shirt and whirled the cloak around him, turning around to face Remus, who had pushed down the covers of the bed so that he was gloriously naked. A light tinge of colour found its way up Snape’s barely visible neck and along his cheeks. 

“Very well,” he finally replied, sitting back down on the bed. “What, exactly, would you like to discuss?” 

“Occlumency.”

Snape groaned. “Must we?”

“Harry needs to learn it, and Dumbledore has enough on his plate…”

“And I don’t?”

“Please, Severus, you’ve had more practical experience of using Occlumency. When was the last time Dumbledore used it against someone as skilled as Vol – You-Know-Who?”

Snape bristled slightly. “I suppose I have been able to hone the skill…”

“And the Order would be very grateful.”

“Pfft.”

“I’d be grateful?” 

“I think I’ve already had everything you can offer…”

Remus leant over and playfully slapped Snape on the arm. “Arse.”

“That too,” Snape smirked. 

“Will you be serious? How else is Harry going to stop You-Know-Who getting inside his mind again? You’re the only one who could possibly succeed at teaching him…Don’t you want to see Harry succeed?”

Snape pursed his lips. “Of course,” he replied after a moment. “I suppose I am the only one truly qualified, aren’t I?”

“Indeed,” Remus replied stifling the grin that was threatening to break out on his face. 

“And don’t think I don’t know what you just did.”

“Who, me?” Remus batted his eyelashes and then opened them in surprise as Snape leant over and planted a gentle kiss on Remus’ cheek. 

“You should put some clothes on. We have an Order meeting in half an hour.”

“Right,” he said, touching the spot on his cheek where Snape’s lips had just been. “We are doing the right thing, aren’t we?”

Snape turned from the doorway, raked the other man over with his eyes and looked him in the face. “Do you love me?”

“No.”

“Then I think we’ve made the right decision. Half an hour.” And with a whirl of his cloak Snape left Remus alone and naked in his bed.


	2. Chapter 2

The Order of the Phoenix was sitting around one large table in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, three days before the beginning of Harry’s sixth year. Arthur Weasley was filling them in on what had happened the previous night, when all members of the Ministry had been called in as Cornelius Fudge tried desperately to keep his place as Minister. Snape was sitting off to one corner, giving the appearance that he wasn’t really listening, although he was devouring every word. Remus sat as near to him as he could without giving the appearance of being near him, watching Harry’s face for any signs of outburst, exactly as he used to do with Sirius. Kingsley and Tonks kept glancing over in Remus’ direction and it took him a moment to realise that when he’d kissed Snape they had been outside in the corridor, their voices echoing off the walls, and he had given no thought to who might have been listening. Remus twisted in his seat slightly, wondering if the whole Order knew what had gone on last night; maybe that was why Snape’s face had taken on a more ashen tone than normal when Remus had entered the room – what might the Order have been saying as he walked in? 

“…and I don’t think he can last much longer. The Daily Prophet’s had reporters camped out by the felly tone box since You-Know-Who’s return,” Arthur was saying. 

“There are rumours that you, Headmaster, are going to take over,” Kingsley said. 

“Will you?” asked Harry, the first movement Remus had seem him make since the meeting began. 

“I think I can best serve the Wizarding World from Hogwarts. But the amount of confusion in the Ministry can be used to our advantage. We need to place those who will act in key positions. Nymphadora, have you that list I asked you to draw up?”

“Hmm, yes…I have it…here…somewhere…” Tonks proceeded to empty out her pockets to the amusement of almost everyone watching. First she pulled out a ball of elastic bands tightly wound together, then a pen which leaked all over her hand, then a handful of sweets wrappers, two half-full bottles of nail varnish – one pink, one black, a pair of broken in half scissors, some articles ripped out of the Quibbler, a silver brooch in the shape of a flower, an interestingly shaped rock, a yellow hair clip, a plastic baby’s dummy, and a Queen from a game of Wizarding Chess which began to act in a most un-Queenly manner the minute it was put on the table and then, finally, the list of the Order supporters within the Ministry.

Dumbledore took the list from her, mutterd the counter spell to make it visible, glanced at it, then put it in his pocket. “If no one has anything else to report, I suggest that we close this meeting for the time being. I will contact you regarding arrangements for the next meeting via the usual means.”

Everyone began to get up to leave, the children hurrying out before Snape reached the door, forcing Snape to slow his pace. 

“We were going to go grab a beer, Remus, want to come?” Kingsley asked. 

“Bit early for that isn’t it?” Molly asked disapprovingly. 

“Not if we have it with lunch,” Kingsley replied. “You’re more than welcome to join us, you too Snape, if you’d like.”

Snape paused in the doorway, astonished at being included. 

“Well, if he’s coming, I’m going to go do some actual work,” Moody grumbled. 

“Very well, I’ll come,” Snape said, more to annoy Moody than anything else. 

“Great,” Kingsley replied, and smiled as if he meant it. Snape gave the Auror an appraising look and then motioned for him to go first. Kingsley did so, quickly followed by Remus who winked at Snape as he passed. Snape pursed his lips but followed the other men nonetheless. 

Proceeding down into Hogsmeade they saw Hagrid, who waved brightly at them, but continued in his conversation with a wizard dressed head to toe in purple and green striped robes. 

“Buying an illegal monster, no doubt,” Snape muttered under his breath. 

“I’m sure they can’t be that bad,” Remus replied, playfully nudging Snape’s elbow, much to Kingsley’s amusement. 

“I have only one word for you,” Snape replied, “Grawp.”

Remus laughed as they entered the Three Broomsticks and found seats near the back where they could watch the other drinkers. Tonks volunteered to get their drinks, so Kingsley hurried after her to make sure she didn’t drop anything, leaving Remus and Snape alone for the first time since that morning. 

“So…what’s going on with you and Kingsley?”

“Nothing.”

“…yet?”

“Nothing is going on…at the moment.”

 _”Really?_ Remus asked, with genuine glee in his voice. “I hadn’t realised.”

“There’s nothing to realise. We…we went for dinner a few weeks ago, and that was it.”

“He doesn’t seem too bothered about you and me.”

“What makes you think he knows?”

“What makes you think I know what?” Kingsley asked, settling down three pints of beer on the table. Snape raised an eyebrow. “Tonks has bumped into someone she knew from school. Says she’ll see us later. So, I guess it’s just a threesome then.”

Remus spluttered out his beer and began to cough. Kingsley leant over and hit him on the back. “Went down the wrong hole did it?”

“Something like that,” Remus replied. “Maybe I should go and eat lunch up at the school with Harry.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Kingsley asked. “I thought you two would want to spend whatever time together you could.”

“Does the entire Order know?” Snape snapped. 

“’Fraid so. You were seen.”

“I knew it,” Remus replied, clicking his fingers in triumph. Snape looked far from pleased.

“So, you two…you know,” and here Kingsley entwined two of his fingers. 

“No,” the other men said at the same time. Kingsley looked from one to the other, but his gaze rested more on Snape. 

“Really? Sex that bad was it?” he asked lightly. Snape moved to stand up. “I was joking,” Kingsley said, pulling the other man down and moving the chair he was sitting in next to Snape. “I’m sure the sex was wonderful,” he murmured to them both, though his eyes settled on Snape once more. 

Remus watched him, and was rather relieved that whilst he felt a bit of a twinge of jealousy, it was more from the fact that he wanted the ability to make anyone get _that_ look on their face, than wanting to pursue Snape for himself. And Snape certainly did look good, both happy and horny at the same time and his eyes seemed more alive than they had in years. Remus smiled to himself and slipped out his chair. He nodded to them both, and then disappeared into the crowd. 

“He didn’t need to leave,” Snape said, though he couldn’t take his eyes off the darker man’s face. 

“Hmm, well, I’ve always preferred one on one action, myself,” Kingsley smiled. 

Snape found himself squirming under that heated gaze and a not unpleasant tingling rushed from his feet to his head. Ridiculous, he thought to himself, I’m acting like a hormonal teenager. 

“Well, perhaps I should get going too,” he said, but found himself once more pulled down into his seat by the other man. 

“Oh, no, you’re not getting out of this Auror’s grasp quite so easily.”

“Funny, that’s what Moody said when he was trying to throw me into Azkaban.”

Kingsley frowned. “You were a Death Eater.”

“Perhaps you could shout if from the rooftops, I’m not sure everybody heard you,” Snape snapped and this time he really did get up from the table and Kingsley didn’t bother to try and stop him, though he did yell “but you were” after Snape as he stormed out of the pub, much to the astonishment of the other patrons.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Snape was in his work room, carefully dicing and slicing his ingredients, putting them in glass jars and labelling them with his slanted script. He was using the peacock feather quill which had been left on his desk when he went in that morning. It was the most beautiful, and expensive, quill that he had ever used. (During his own school years he had made do with the cheapest version available and it was only lately that he had allowed himself to invest in the more expensive brand with which he found himself writing much neater and more legible script and which tended to last longer). He didn’t know who had left it there, but he suspected, which was worse. 

Completely in his own world it took four knocks and an amused cough before Snape lifted his head and took in the bald man standing in his doorway. 

“Even though you were in the wrong, I’ve come to apologise,” Kingsley told him, moving forward and closing the door. 

“I didn’t say you could come in. I was not in the wrong. Leave.”

“I’m not one of your students that you can just boss about you know, I’m not about to take the kind of crap you dole out.”

Why was it, no matter what Kingsley was saying, that his deep sonorous voice went straight to Snape’s groin? 

“Leave,” Snape repeated, anxious for the other man to get the hell out of his space. 

“If you don’t want my apology, you shouldn’t be using that.” Kingsley pointed to the quill which was still nestled in Snape’s hand. Snape dropped it as if it burnt. 

“Take it.”

“You didn’t like it?” Kingsley asked, moving to stand directly in front of Snape, so close that his breath tickled the curtain of hair that automatically slinked before Snape’s face. Snape didn’t say anything but took a protective step back. Kingsley stepped forward with him and gently pushed back Snape’s lank hair behind his ears. Their eyes locked. Very slowly, as if Snape were a coiled snake about to strike, Kingsley stepped forward and gently kissed him on the lips, pausing only a moment before moving away. 

“It was…okay,” Snape said so quietly that Kingsley could barely hear him. 

“Good. Well, I’ve got some things to do, I just wanted to apologise for my outburst.” Kingsley paused with the door half open. “But you _were_ a Death Eater, and Moody was only doing his job. I’d have done the same.” And with that he was gone. 

Snape stood stock still for a moment, emotions warring within him. Then he pushed all his neatly labelled bottles to the floor, where they shattered and destroyed his three hours of work. 

=====

Lunch was a quiet affair which Remus and Kingsley spent under the tree by the Lake, watching Harry and Ron try and teach Hermione how to fly better. They were amused to see the fleeting looks that Ron kept giving Hermione, and which Harry pretended not to notice. They had watched Snape stomp into the Forbidden Forest half an hour ago, and as yet he had not re-emerged. 

“Do you think anyone’s given them two “the talk”?” Kingsley asked. 

“Well, judging by Arthur and Molly’s brood, I think Ron probably has a fairly good idea of what goes on. And Hermione’s parents seem pretty stable people.”

“Must be weird for them, sending their only child off into a world that they can’t even begin to understand.”

“I expect it is. Though Hermione…you’d never think she was Muggleborn the way she picked up magic. Brightest witch of her year, probably of the whole school.”

“She looks like she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

“Yeah, she has. Reminds me a bit of Lily, though I don’t think Lily would have let the boys get into quite so many scrapes over the years.”

“You miss them?” 

“Of course. But...” Remus stopped and looked down at his tattered robes. “I miss them as we were in school, not afterwards, not even Sirius then. The distrust that bred in the Order – you can’t imagine what it was like…”

“Oh, I don’t know, I was in Auror training then remember, with Moody giving us his “practice vigilance” speech every half hour. His paranoia rubs off on you if you’re not careful.” 

Remus nodded. “It’s funny, but I don’t remember you from school.”

Kingsley smiled. “Well, I’m what, three years younger than you, plus a Hufflepuff…how many kids younger than them do you think they know?” he asked, motioning towards the children who were now joined by Neville and Ginny, “’cept those they’re related to?”

“Fair point.”

After a minutes silence Kingsley said, “I remember you though. Your whole little group. Everyone used to idolise Sirius, and wanted to be just like him. James too on the Quidditch pitch, but Sirius was the rebel. You know, we used to take bets on which one of you would be put in detention first, and who’d hex Snape the most in a given term…the stupid things kids do.”

Remus was startled out of his reverie by the venom in Kingsley’s voice. “How much do you…”

“Everything. Plus, I’ve read your files.”

“We have files?”

“Of course. Senior Auror’s have access to all personnel files of those in important positions, especially those that teach at Hogwarts, for all the good it’s done us in recent years.”

“You’ve read my file?”

“Don’t get so het up,” Kingsley said, observing the way Remus was absentmindedly tearing away strips of grass, “it’s really not that long. Not like his of course.”

Remus looked up to where Kingsley was pointing and saw Snape emerge from the Forest, apparently in deep conversation with a Centaur. After a few moments Snape bowed to the Centaur who nodded in return and disappeared back into the leafy undergrowth. Snape paused for a moment, his eyes narrowing when he saw the children and widening slightly when he saw Kingsley and Remus seated together, their picnic things still spread between them. And then he stalked off back to the castle, without glancing in their direction again.


	4. Chapter 4

There were only two people who knew that at exactly 4pm every Sunday afternoon, when there were no children running around the halls, Severus Snape entered the Room of Requirement which turned into a large swimming pool and that he would spend the next hour and a half losing himself in the comforting regularity of repeated lengths. So, it was with some surprise that at 5.20pm, as Snape was towelling himself off, that he heard the door behind him open. Expecting it to be Potter traipsing around the castle as if he owned the place, Snape draped himself in his towel and turned around, venom ready to fly, only to find himself face to face with Kingsley. 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh, just admiring the view,” Kingsley smiled. “And what a view it is.” Snape scowled. “Though it could do with a little work.”

“Do you mind? I’m trying to get dressed here.”

“I’m not stopping you, am I? Or…perhaps you’d like some help?”

Kingsley took a few tentative steps forward and Snape froze with his claw-like hand gripping the towel to his body. 

“What are you so afraid of, Severus? I thought we had fun at dinner?”

“Giving Remus a blow-by-blow account of it were you?” Snape spat, backing away so he was up against the mirrored wall. “Or was he the one doing all the talking? Get me into bed and then laugh about it afterwards?” Snape’s voice quavered on the last line. “What are you going to do? Pull out a camera and show everyone what greasy little Snivellus looks like without his grey underwear on?” Kingsley tried to interrupt but Snape wouldn’t let him. “Or were you going to bind me and parade me naked around the school for everyone to laugh at? Or gain my confidence first and do it when school’s in session, let all the children have a look at their most hated teacher? I’ve lived through that hell once, I won’t do it again. Accio wand.” The wand flew straight to his unoccupied hand and he gripped it hard, pointing it directly at Kingsley’s heart. “Get out.”

Kingsley didn’t move, but instead just shook his head sadly. And then he leaned forward and began to take off his shoes. 

“What…what are you doing?”

“If you won’t let me see you naked, then one of us should at least get an eyeful,” and Kingsley proceeded to remove his trousers and began to unbutton his shirt. “I’m not trying to trick you. I wanted to get to know you, that’s why I asked you to dinner.” Throughout the time he was talking to Snape he kept on removing his clothes, occasionally looking up so that he and Snape’s eyes met. “I’d heard stories about you, but it wasn’t until I learned of the Order that I could see what had happened to you from school. I wanted to know what had happened to you – why you joined the Death Eaters, why you left. You have no idea how intriguing you are to me, Severus. And then I realised that it wasn’t just professional curiosity, I wanted to get to know _you._ I wanted to know what made you tick, what made you laugh, _if_ you ever laughed, if your face flushed when you were embarrassed, whether you’re a screamer…” Kingsley walked up to Snape, gently took him by the arms and turned him around so that they were both looking in the floor to ceiling mirror. Snape could see Kingsley in all his naked glory and loosened his death grip on his towel. Kingsley slowly pulled it down so that it revealed Snape’s pale and bony shoulders. “I wanted to know if you could love.” And then he planted a kiss on Snape’s right shoulder. 

Snape looked up into Kingsley’s eyes reflected in the mirror, saw the truth of his words, and fled, leaving his clothes lying discarded by the edge of the pool.


	5. Chapter 5

Kingsley looked out over the heads of all the first years scrambling off their boats and remembered his own first day at Hogwarts. He had been a ball of nerves and excitement, half wanting to stay close to his parents, half wanting to experience the magical world of Hogwarts that his parents were always talking about. His father in particular had loved every minute of his time there, and had even made Head Boy. He was a well-loved Hufflepuff and was delighted when his son joined their ranks, though his Ravenclaw mother had joked that his much older sister had obviously got the beauty _and_ the brains of the family. 

He loved being back at Hogwarts, and had been astonished when, only the day before, Dumbledore had offered him the Defence Against the Dark Arts post. His supervisor at work had apparently agreed that it would be good to have a fully trained Auror on staff, considering the threat to the Boy-Who-Lived and Kingsley hoped it would allow him to convince Snape that he was serious. They had barely spoken to each other since Kingsley’s declaration in the Room of Requirement; or rather Kingsley tried to talk and Snape always disappeared out of earshot. Hopefully tonight during dinner he’d be able to talk to him…or perhaps he should wait till afterwards, so as not to embarrass the other man further. He absently kicked some stones until they went scurrying into the Lake. 

“Penny for them.” 

“Remus…I didn’t see you there.”

“Just what I want to hear from an Auror.”

“Yeah.”

“You still worried about Severus?” Remus asked, coming closer to the other man and putting a comforting hand on his arm. Kingsley had decided to confide in Remus the previous night, since Snape apparently had no problems being naked in his presence. 

Kingsley nodded. “Do you think I’m moving too fast?”

“Any slower and you’d be going backwards.”

“Then how did you do it? Get Severus into bed?”

“Got into an argument with him, decided I was too horny to care who I was fucking…He turned out the lights.”

“Huh?” 

“When we started undressing each other, he turned off the lights and made me fumble around in the dark. And in the morning he made sure that he was mostly covered by the sheets, or that when he wasn’t I was asleep.”

“You didn’t get to see him?” Kingsley asked, almost ashamed at how good that made him feel. 

“No.” Remus smiled. “Come on, we’ll be late.” They proceeded to walk up to the Castle side by side, arms occasionally touching. Neither of them had noticed the figure lurking in the darkness, cloak wrapped tightly around him, scowl softened in disappointment. 

=====

Kingsley had been right – it had been impossible to speak to Snape during dinner and now it seemed that the other man was once again ignoring him, since he must have been banging on Snape’s bedroom door for at least fifteen minutes. 

“He’s not in, you know.”

Kingsley turned around, startled, and tried to work out where the voice had come from. 

“Up here.”

Kingsley looked up and found that he was addressing a pretty serving wench, dressed in her Sunday best, standing in front of a bar of an inn, with several drunk and snoring patrons littered about the floor. 

Kingsley bowed to her and made her cheeks flush an attractive red before addressing her directly. “I don’t suppose you happen to know where he is, my fair lady?”

She giggled like a schoolgirl before answering; “He always goes to see his Slytherins on first day. Gives ‘em a speech ‘bout not letting the House down, that kind of guff. I was in Hufflepuff meself. What ‘bout you, love?” If Kingsley didn’t know better he would have sworn that the painting was flirting with him. 

“I was in Hufflepuff too,” he replied, to which the young woman only giggled some more, this time with a flick of her not inconsiderable hair. “Any idea when he’ll be back?”

“Ages, probably. Don’t know what he can have to say to them – bunch of louts. I could give you the password if you like…course, you’d have to do summat for me an all.” She batted her eyelashes at him. Kingsley had a feeling he was about to regret this next question.

“And what would that be?”

“Give me a kiss.” 

“A kiss?”

“Aye, but not a peck mind, I want a proper kiss, tongue an all.” 

Kingsley was incredulous. “Can you, I mean, is it possible, for paintings to…” This only lead to more giggles. 

“Want to try?” she asked coquettishly when her giggling fit had subsided. Kingsley took a deep breath. How much did he really want to be in Snape’s rooms to greet him when he got back? How much did the other man _really_ mean to him? Slowly he stepped towards the painting, positioned himself roughly before the girl, leaned forward, closed his eyes and opened his mouth. All he tasted was paint, and dust and what he thought were cobwebs. He pulled quickly back and looked up at the woman in the painting who was looking at him with awe. 

“Cor, he really blimming likes you.”

Kingsley whirled round to see whom she was addressing and saw Snape standing in his doorway, the same look of astonishment on his face as that of the painting. 

“How long were you…” Kingsley asked, vaguely waving his hand. 

“Long enough.”

“Oh.”

“You kissed a painting?” 

Kingsley could almost swear that there was an amused lilt to Snape’s lips and his eyes were shining brighter than usual. Kingsley could only nod. His jaw dropped when Snape began to laugh, a rich, deep sound, that sent shivers down Kingsley’s spine. 

“Well, now that I’ve provided your amusement for the night, I’ll be on my way.” Kingsley started to move off, but much slower than his normal pace, which worked exactly as planned when Snape took hold of his arm. 

“No, wait…you can come in, if you like?”

Kingsley nodded and stepped inside. He was surprised that everything wasn’t caked in green and silver but that the room was tastefully furnished, and there were even the occasional hints of red and gold in the décor. 

“I was just about to have a night-cap – would you like one?” Snape asked, brandy decanter in his hand. Kingsley nodded and after taking the proffered drink sank down into a deep brown settee. Snape chose the hard wooden seat next to it, which looked like it really belonged behind his desk. There were papers scattered in organised little piles on the floor and Kingsley could just about make out the words “werewolf” and “research” before Snape scooped them up with his wand and vanished them to another room. 

“So,” Kingsley began, then stopped, noticing the way that Snape was twitching in his chair. “Are you all right?” 

“Hmm...Yes, no, I’m fine.” He saw that Kingsley wasn’t convinced. “The Mark has been burning more strongly tonight than before. I’ve spent the last few hours in the Headmasters room, hence the drink.” He took a sip. 

Kingsley did the same, shuddering slightly as the drink burned down his throat. He’d never really been much of a brandy drinker. 

“Do you normally go around assaulting paintings?” Snape asked finally. 

“Only when they say they can get me into your rooms,” Kingsley replied, sliding along the settee so he was nearer to Snape’s own chair. Snape’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t move. 

“What did she taste like?”

“Dust mainly. And paint. Definitely paint.” Snape smiled slightly. “I won’t be doing that again, I can assure you.”

“Kissing?”

“Kissing paintings. Kissing I’ve never found unfavourable.”

“Lot of experience then, I take it?” Snape asked, putting down his glass. Kingsley did the same, praying that he was reading these signs right. 

“Oh, some, but I’m always willing to practise…”

Snape raised an eyebrow and Kingsley moved forward, learning over the arm of the settee to kiss Snape on the lips. After a moments hesitation Snape responded, and soon they were pulling each other closer and closer, tongues duelling, and god it felt so good to taste him. Snape smelt like monkshood and asphodel and coffee and tasted even better, bitter and sweet at the same time. Kingsley inhaled his scent deeper, moving to bury his nose in Snape’s neck, licking and biting at his collarbone. From Snape’s groans it was obvious he was enjoying himself, and Kingsley was pleased to learn that he was definitely going to be a screamer. Finally he pulled Snape closer until Snape had to move around the arm of the settee and Kingsley manoeuvred himself until Snape was straddling him, lips locked, as Kingsley worked on undoing the buttons of his shirt. 

He pulled away a little to admire Snape’s pale chest, and ran his hands reverently down in between his nipples until they rested at his hips. He leaned down and kissed each nipple in turn, and then began to lick his way down Snape’s chest, encouraged by the sounds Snape was making. But the minute he tried to undo the belt to Snape’s trousers, Snape froze. 

“I won’t hurt you,” Kingsley whispered, looking Snape straight in the eye. “I promise you.”

Snape gulped. “I…I can’t.” He got up off Kingsley and began to re-do his buttons. 

“Why not?”

Snape stayed silent for a moment as he collected their glasses and put them on his writing desk. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. Kingsley got up and looked hesitantly at Snape and then at the door. 

“I’ll leave, if that’s what you want. But I would like to now why you won’t believe me.”

“I do believe you,” Snape said quickly. “But you should still leave.”

“Why?” Kingsley demanded earnestly, pleading with the other man. Snape looked at him and sadly shook his head. 

“Because I can’t love anymore.”


	6. Chapter 6

After Snape’s disheartening confession Kingsley found himself unsure what to do, for possibly the first time ever. He had always been confident, known exactly what he wanted to achieve even when he was a young boy, and had set about achieving it. It hadn’t always worked; at one point he wanted to be a great painter like Myfanwy Luther, until he acknowledged that even his stick figures didn’t look convincing. But he had always tried. Now, now he was unsure of himself. 

He thought about confiding in Remus again, but wondered if he should considering how close he and Tonks seemed to be getting. In the end it didn’t matter as it was Remus who sought him out one Saturday lunchtime, roughly two weeks after his last, proper, conversation with Snape. 

“Kingsley?” Remus called from down the corridor and jogged forward so he could reach him before he headed into the Great Hall. “Fancy having lunch with me?”

Kingsley hesitated for a moment, but when Snape stalked past them both as if he couldn’t see them his mind was made up. “Sure.”

They walked back up to Remus’ room in silence and found the House-Elves laying out enough food for an army, never mind the two of them. “Werewolf metabolism,” Remus shrugged. 

“At least you’ve got your appetite back.”

“Hmm. Please, help yourself.” They both piled up their plates and sat down on the comfy chairs Dumbledore had provided for Remus’ room. Half the Order was staying at Hogwarts and the others either at their new London headquarters or in their own homes so as not to arouse suspicion. It had been decided that Remus’ presence would have a calming effect on Harry, though so far there was no evidence that it was working. 

“So,” Remus asked after a moment, “how are things with you and Severus?” Kingsley looked crestfallen. “Oh, that bad?”

Kingsley paused, unsure of how much Snape would want the other man to know. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want,” said Remus. 

“No, it’s just…I don’t know anymore.” He sighed. “I wanted to get to know him, the real him, but he keeps putting all these obstacles in my way, and I don’t know if I should try and knock them down or not. I don’t want to hurt him…”

“So you’d rather hurt yourself instead?”

“I…I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I do Severus. I’ve never loved so hard before.”

Remus smiled. “And yet you’d let him be miserable without you? Oh, come on, any fool can see he likes you. You need to…to woo him.” He waved his hands expressively in the air as he spoke. His enthusiasm was getting to Kingsley. 

“You really think I should? But…but he doesn’t think he can love.”

“Then you have to prove otherwise. He’s afraid – afraid to let you, anybody, in.”

“He wasn’t too afraid to let you in.”

“That was just sex,” Remus muttered, as if it didn’t matter. “A chance for us to fuck our problems out. It would be more than that with you. He’d love _you.”_

Kingsley felt himself warming all over; now he had a plan of action. “Speaking of love,” he began, changing the subject, “what’s going on with you and Tonks?” Remus groaned. “Oh, that bad?” he mimicked. 

“Worse.” Remus tried to find a good starting place. “I hadn’t realised Tonks was flirting with me till the other day.” Kingsley laughed. “Well, I hadn’t. Despite the past few weeks I haven’t exactly been getting a lot of action in that area. Besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m gay.” He sighed. “Then the other night she came to my room and asked me if I’d rather she changed into someone else. I kept telling her no and then she asked…” Remus gulped back tears. “She asked me if I wanted her to be Sirius for the night.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly. I told her definitely not but I haven’t known what to say to her since, so I’ve been avoiding her. I don’t think she understands what she did wrong.”

“Would you like me to have a word?”

“No. Thanks, but you’ve got enough on your plate. I need to be the one to talk to her, I just wanted to confide in someone first. Severus is lucky to have you.”

“He hasn’t got me yet.”

“But he will.”

=====

Kingsley spent the rest of the term trying to make that happen, despite Snape’s amazing knack for avoiding him and never being alone in the same room with him – but Kingsley didn’t give up. He sought out rare potion books and ingredients, clippings from journals that he’d never normally read, and anything and everything he could get his hands on regarding Salazar Slytherin. At first they had been sent back, often unopened, but Kingsley’s onslaught began to wear the other man down and now when Snape returned anything it was articles with his scrawl scribbled in the margins, commenting on new theories and noting interesting discoveries. He became so used to the daily owls that if one didn’t arrive he would actively seek out Kingsley; he wouldn’t approach him but he would scan him over once to see that he was unharmed before moving on. Kingsley had fallen hard and he was sure that Snape was following. 

The day after term ended for Christmas and when there were hardly any people left in the building, Kingsley decided that he would have to move his seduction up a notch. He thought about a romantic candlelit dinner but dismissed it almost as quickly. No, the best thing for him to do would be present himself at Snape’s door and make him see that Kingsley was giving him everything he had. So he dressed in his nicest, most tight-fitting trousers and best robe and marched down to the dungeons. He stood before Snape’s door, took a deep breath, and prepared to knock. 

Inside Snape was staring out of one of the few windows in the dungeons, watching the snowflakes cover the ground in white. The Headmaster had asked him what he planned to do for Christmas and Snape had replied “work” as usual, but for the first time in over fourteen years the idea of being alone at Christmas made him ache for a life where he had made different choices. He was startled out of his melancholy by a knock at the door. 

He wasn’t surprised to see Kingsley standing before him, more relieved, and something else which he wasn’t willing to acknowledge even to himself just yet. 

Later neither would be able to remember who moved first, but right now they seemed to move together, hands grasping, mouths opening, until Snape was pulling Kingsley into the room (“Cor!” the painting outside Snape’s room gulped) and with lips still locked and clothing dishevelled, manoeuvred him into the bedroom. By the time Kingsley pushed Snape onto the bed both of them had removed their robes and shirts and Kingsley was trying to undo the belt to Snape’s trousers. 

“Magic,” Snape whispered against Kingsley’s cheek, ruffling the hair at the back of his neck. Then Snape murmured a spell that left them both completely naked, and achingly hard. Kingsley seized this opportunity to push Snape back onto the bed and pin his hands above his head. Snape wriggled but didn’t try to break free. Kingsley looked down at him reverently. 

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, before once more capturing Snape’s lips with his own. Snape pushed his tongue inside Kingsley’s mouth and pressed his erection closer to Kingsley’s thigh. Kingsley gasped and pulled back slightly. “I love you.” He’d wanted to say it before things went too far, before Snape could pretend that it was just sex, that it, that he, didn’t matter. Snape’s reaction wasn’t unexpected as he flinched under Kingsley’s words and then opened his mouth to say something.

“Shh. It’s all right, you don’t have to say anything.” Even though he had practised this moment for weeks, had been certain of Snape’s response, it still stung a little to be proved right and he couldn’t quite keep the quiver in his voice from showing. 

Snape scowled at him and pulled his arms free, moving up until they were almost hugging, with Kingsley still leaning on Snape’s legs. Kingsley looked away, ashamed at himself for his cowardice. He felt his head gently turned back by one of Snape’s long fingers. “I love you too,” Snape told him, and there was no hesitation in his voice, something else in fact. Then he added, in almost a whisper, “And I want you to fuck me within an inch of my life.”

Kingsley’s eyes widened into saucers and then he grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Your wish is my command,” he purred, pushing Snape down again and moving down to swallow Snape’s cock in one swift motion. Snape bucked up into his mouth, completely caught by surprise. It didn’t last long though as he held on to Kingsley’s smooth head and held it in place, gently massaging it as he did so, writhing and bucking up and gasping for release. But Kingsley had no intention of satisfying him so easily and let go of Snape’s cock, instead seeming to find endless fascination in Snape’s nipples and the light curl of hair on his chest. Snape moaned in frustration, which soon turned into an undignified yelp as Kingsley began to press a finger inside of him. 

“Oh, please, more,” Snape begged, face flushed, his sweat drenched hair billowing out against the pillow. 

Kingsley complied with two fingers and was about to cast a sheathing spell when Snape stopped him. 

“Severus…”

“Aurors are tested every six months.”

“Yes, but…”

“I have regular tests too. I can show you…”

“No, it’s okay. I trust you.” Kingsley brushed back Snape’s hair, kissed him on the lips and slowly began to push himself inside. 

“Oh, god, faster, please,” Snape gasped. “More. Need you…”

Kingsley smiled wickedly and slowed down even more, though the strain was getting to him too.

“Oh, you feel so good,” Kingsley moaned, taking a moment to regain himself once he was fully inside Snape. 

“Move, dammit,” Snape replied, trying to make Kingsley move, but to no avail.

“I adore you,” Kingsley smiled into Snape’s neck and Snape stilled, allowing him to truly feel the other man, their hearts beating in unison. And then Kingsley was moving and it was everything he could do just to concentrate on the fact of Snape pressing down around him, the way their bodies slid together as if they were made to fit, how Snape’s hands, and eyes and mouth were for him, and him alone. And finally they shattered, their orgasms sneaking up on them as each called out the others name, and collapsed back into a boneless heap. 

While they waited for their breathing to return to normal neither wanted to loose contact with the other, each occasionally pressing a kiss on a cheek or an ear or on the back of a neck. When Snape’s skin began to raise goosebumps Kingsley cleaned them up and helped Snape get settled under the covers. Snape pulled him down too and then lay on his side, pressed back against Kingsley who wrapped his arms around him. They lay entwined like this for some moments before Snape broke the silence. 

“I haven’t felt like this about anyone for a long time,” Snape volunteered, aware that he had to say it now, or he may never let it out. 

Kingsley waited for him to continue and when he didn’t he decided to prod a little. “Can I ask who?” Again Snape remained so silent so long that Kingsley thought he was ignoring the question. But then he murmured something so quietly that Kingsley couldn’t be sure whether to believe his ears. “I’m sorry, who?”

“Regulus Black,” Snape said louder. 

“Regulus?”

“Yes. I…he adored me, though God knows why. Followed me around all the time like a lost puppy dog. At first it was annoying and I suspected it was a trap. But his devotion was so real I couldn’t help but fall in love with him. And we became inseparable – neither of us cared what anyone else thought, we had each other and that’s all that mattered. Until I tired to help Regulus leave the Death Eaters and that bastard took him from me.” 

“Voldemort.”

“No, though he gave the order. Lucius did the actual…killed him – but he didn’t know we were in love, none of them did, not even the Dark Lord. It was jut sex to them. It was for the sin of thinking for himself that he was punished, not for being involved with me.”

“And that’s why you hated Sirius so much?”

“I can’t remember now a time when I didn’t hate Black. But it didn’t help them looking so alike, a constant reminder of all I’d lost.” He sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“Of course you should. Who else would you tell but the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with?” Snape stiffened and then turned around to face Kingsley. 

“You...really?”

“After these last few months, do you really need to ask?” Snape responded by kissing him, gently and deeply, so his breath was taken away. 

“There is something though,” Kingsley said when they broke apart at last. 

“What’s that?”

Kingsley took a baleful look around the dark and dreary room. “We’re going to have to hire you a decorator.”

Snape laughed, a welcome sound to Kingsley’s ears and pressed himself closer to him. Kingsley wrapped his arms around the Potions Master and kissed him on the forehead. They lay like that for some time, not needing to speak, and finally drifted to sleep listening to the others’ heartbeat.


End file.
